It’s the most wonderful time of year…time for elementary school class Christmas parties and productions. Over the next few weeks moms across America will attend musicals, class plays, class parties, and various other festivities all in the name of being supportive parents who loves their child/ren. This time of year also brings out moms of all types, so here is my ode to moms as a parody of the 12 Days of Christmas. Hopefully, you can find yourself in one or two of these and laugh at the truth of it all. Enjoy!
- Pinterest Mom–She shows up with her meticulously made cupcakes, her super fun party sacks, and pretty pretzels primped to look like Rudolf–3 for each kid! I’m always a little jealous and a little hating her for her crafty nature and ability.
- Working Mom–She runs in 5 minutes late; she stays for 5 minutes because she has to visit her 2 other kids’ parties. She hugs her child, takes one pic as proof of her attendance, and prays that it’s enough to quench her mom guilt later. I was this mom for many years, and I empathize with her.
- Sporty Mom–She comes in wearing her running/gym clothes. Maybe she matches, maybe she doesn’t. Is that hair spray in her hair? No. Just dried sweat. She literally left her work out/run to get to the party because it’s at 1 o’clock–prime workout time. Sporty mom will likely tell everyone around her what she’s missing out on at the gym and/or how much mileage she did get in today. Yea, I’m this mom. I also spray myself with Body Spray so I smell decent. 😉
- Loud Mom–You know this mom before she enters the room because you can hear her 3 classrooms away. She is nice and uber friendly, but it’s hard to have a conversation with her because in the middle of your sentence she yells across the room to someone else and leaves you talking to yourself. But don’t worry, you can still hear her talking across the room.
- Kiss Up Mom–She is usually standing right next to the teacher. She is making sure that her gift is better than the others or that the teacher knows she put the group basket together. Kiss up mom will gently touch the teacher’s arm and act like they are best friends. I always want to sneeze on this mom for some reason. Accidentally, of course.
- Fancy Mom–This mom fascinates me. She is wearing her trendy jeans, too tall high heals, Texas hair, and bright red lipstick. Her shirt is just a touch too sheer, but she looks so beautiful I can’t help but stare at her and wonder why all the fancy is necessary and how to apply red lipstick without getting it on your teeth.
- Hot Mess Mom–I love hot mess mom. I’m not her, but I will usually end up hanging out with her because she doesn’t mind my sweaty hair–she has her own crazy unwashed wild bun and sloppy sweatshirt with mashed banana on it. She runs in late, forgot the party plates, and throws $10 into the group basket at the last second. She’s full of excuses, but glad she made it. She’s usually low key and easy to talk to.
- iPhone Mom–You know her. She’s on her phone at the side of the room. She is vigorously texting, so everyone thinks she’s important, but her kid keeps calling her name, and she doesn’t seem to notice. I feel sorry for this kid and her really. She seems annoyed she has to be there.
- Nanny Mom–She strolls in dragging 3-4 little ones behind her and pushing a stroller. She will probably nurse a baby during the party and keep on talking without missing a beat. She’s really super mom in jeans and a t-shirt. I’m always afraid to stand by this mom for fear of getting pregnant, wanting to get pregnant, or ending up changing a dirty diaper.
- Gossip Mom–She’s really the only one I truly avoid at all costs. She only talks to her posse just like an adult version of Mean Girls. She knows the secrets of every other family and wants to make sure everyone else knows them too. She seems so sincere, yet no one trusts her. She makes sure to include the coolest parents with the coolest kids…but not everyone.
- Wardrobe Nazi Mom–Bless this mom. I tried to be her for a few short years and realized it’s not my style–just like Fancy Mom isn’t my style either. This mom has a different Christmas outfit for her child for EVERY holiday festivity on the calendar–and an absurdly large bow to match. Each outfit is monogrammed and matches perfectly with every other person in their family so that each Facebook update is perfect in every essence. Yea, writing about the sappiness just gagged me a little.
- PTA mom–She can be a combination of any of the above, but she is also in the know! She can tell you every date of every school activity, so she’s a wealth of knowledge. Be careful though, she will hunt you down and sign you up to be a volunteer and probably make you a chairperson of an event without your consent. She wears the pride of the school like a cape and will lay down her life to support it and provide food for the teachers. She is someone to know, to encourage, and to run from if she’s carrying a clipboard!
Hopefully you can laugh at these exaggerated stereotypes, or snicker and suffer through a class production or party just a little better than before. Remember, none of these moms is perfect. Everyone is doing her best to be a mom, a woman, a wife, a worker. Thankfully, December 25th is coming soon, and the birth of Jesus means we can celebrate His coming, admit out flaws as moms, and repent before Easter.
I hope you survive the class party and live up to your calling!
P.S. Thanks for allowing me to be my sarcastic self in this post!